Self talk is a common phrase in psychotherapy.
It is about attitude, affirmations, self confidence and esteem. How you talk to yourself, about yourself, situations, life and future, directly corresponds to how your life feels, shapes, and becomes. If you are a negative talker, with a negative outlook, either about yourself, your situation or other people. That is how your life will be. It turns out exactly how you think it will.
This idea is related to several posts I have already done, Affirmations and Thinking Patterns. It is a pattern with how one conducts their life. I can spend a lot of time with a client working on self talk. It will be what continues on when therapy is over.
One of my favorite parables is about an old man sitting on his porch. A couple pulls up in a car. “We are thinking about purchasing a house in this town. How are the people here?” The man says “Well, how were they where you lived before?” He suggests that how they believe people to be, in general, they will be. Your own attitude toward people is how you create relationships.
How do you talk to yourself? Pay attention to what you say, out loud and in your head throughout the day. I find this easy since I have a small children. They pretty much repeat what I say and parroters of my own attitude. My kids have a great sense of humor about things, can laugh at themselves and will try until they get it right. They focus on things they do well and support others. They do not get discouraged easy.
Many people are hard on themselves. “I can’t do that.” “It’s too hard.” “I will never get it” (job, relationship, home, money). One I heard recently was “BUT, it has never happened before, so why should it happen now.” This followed all the positives of “I deserve it. I am worth it. I worked hard for this.” BUT negates all those strong positives. It just crosses it out.
Keep the self talk positive. If you hear the negative creep up on you, especially in the form of a but, turn it around. That big but can be followed up with “That doesn’t mean it won’t in the future!” Your future is what you make it.