I am reading a phenomenal book, The Sociopath Next Door, by Martha Stout (everyone should read this).
She was talking about the 13 signs of sociopathy, which everyone should know. Sociopaths take advantage of people in any way possible because they have no conscience. They appear to have empathy and emotions like everyone else, but they don’t. People are players in their world. They only care about themselves. Really, truly, they only care about themselves.
#3 on the list was about lying. You can apply to this rule anyone, not just sociopaths. Lies hurt people. Lies hurt, betray, hide secrets, and steal love and trust. They are no good! Liars only use lies to get out of trouble (for the most part). The after math is irrelevant.
3. When considering a new relationship of any kind, practice the Rule of Threes regarding the claims and promises a person makes, and the responsibility he or she has. Make the Rule of Threes your personal policy. One lie, one broken promise, or a single neglected responsibility may be a misunderstanding instead. Two may involve a serious mistake. But THREE lies says your dealing with a liar, and deceit is the linchpin of conscienceless behavior. Cut your loses and get out as soon as you can. Leaving, though it may be hard, will be easier now than later, and less costly. Do not give your money, your work, your secrets or your affection to a three-timer. Your valuable gifts will be wasted. (Stout, 2005)
Leave the Liars to their lies. Nearly all of you have had some experience with a liar on some level, friend, spouse, coworker, neighbor, even family member. I don’t think that all liars are sociopaths, but they are liars. The lying won’t stop because you ask or you are special or they get caught, arrested, humiliated, anything. They will just keep lying. Save yourself the heartache (over and over) and just leave….
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2 thoughts on “Lies and Liars”
Gosh, 3 lies…. thing is with the sociopath, is that you would have no idea that the person has lied, until you are emotionally involved. It’s not just the lies, its the deception, the acting that goes with the lies. I am a fairly smart person, also trained in counselling and life coaching, yet I had no idea. The lengths that he went to to play, moralistic man, good guy, it is a brain default, and quite incredible to watch. I actually stayed friends with him (with boundaries) for a year after we split, whilst I wrote my blog. It was quite some journey. What is more fascinating is how they repeat the behaviour over and over. Reminds me of a defence mechanism, even though he did later try to ‘manage’ the behaviour. He never could do so. It is very interesting.
I agree. You might not know about the lying. That is why it should apply to everyone. Sociopaths lie so easily, it doesn’t look or sound like a lie. Often, when caught, they make it sound like you are the one who has a problem or the lie was no big deal. It is trickier to manage with a true sociopath because the deception is so cunning.