Stuck

I am a forward thinker. I am always looking for the next adventure, be it a sports event, family outing, vacation, or how to improve my practice, home or relationships. I need to be moving forward. I have been stuck before. It is the feeling of nothingness, blah, lethargy, ho-hum-itude that is slightly uncomfortable, like sitting in the same place for too long. Yeah, stuck. There are lots of ways to get stuck, in your job, relationship, financial situation, etc. I will be talking about your life. Well, I guess that actually includes everything else.

stuck-in-a-rut

A lot of people are what I call “survivors.” Survivors are people who merely tolerate life. They have whatever job they can get (if they have a job), put minimal effort into their surroundings, relationships or self. They are just wasting time until it’s over. There is little meaning in life. If you are reading this, you are not one of those people or would like to not be one of those people. You are looking to make a difference! How does that happen? How have I not been on vacation for 5 years, eaten at the same restaurants, same meals, same activities, same, same… You might be bored.

Getting unstuck

Getting unstuck can be tricky. You are in a rut in life, one you created. So, examine the situation. How is my life? Do I like my job, my relationships, my home, my friends, my hobbies? Literally list it all out. What is good and bad and just okay. What might make things better? Is there something I can do today, or plan, to make some changes? Do I need to shake up the routine, reorganize, plan some different activities, make new friends?

One of the most important questions you might ask would be “Am I in control of my life?” Many people take whatever life throws at them, letting it control them instead of them controlling it. Are you making choices that are yours or do you just roll with the punches? I  have an excellent example. A man who never finished high school. He took several construction and manual labor jobs and finally ended up with a home repair gig. He married the first girl he got pregnant, because she was pregnant. He went to work, came home, watched the kid, went to bed. He was miserable. Though, he pretty much has never been much else. He changes and makes decisions when it is forced upon him, like a pregnancy, job loss, etc. He never made a proactive decision. He is not in control.  He has no idea what might make him happy, because it just hasn’t happened yet. This is as stuck as you can get.

You might need some help figuring out how to get unstuck. I see a lot of people in my office complaining of feeling nothing. They think they might be depressed because they don’t sleep well, have little energy, are uninterested in doing things, have no motivation and generally unhappy. It might not be depression, you might just be stuck. Find someone to help you out. I have noticed a lot of self help books on the subject too.

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No quick fix

There is no easy way, fast recovery, magic pill, or other method to make everything right overnight.

It takes work and time.

I know, I know. We would prefer the quick fix. We are raised to envy those who seem to have it easy, to want it all, to be everything and be happy. The half hour sitcom should be our life!

It’s not. Therefore, I deal with the frustration of clients often.

“Nothing is better”

“It still hurts”

“When does it go away?”

“It happened again”

“I am so tired of feeling like this!”

Psyches are not scarred easily. We are resilient by nature. We are made tough, to fight, scrape, and have a strong will to live. It is nearly impossible to drown yourself. We are born with some innate genetic qualities, personalities quirks, intelligent quotients, etc. Mostly, though, it is the nature of becoming that makes you who you are. You can be raised to be even tougher, more resilient, strong in self, confident in your abilities and worthiness of love. You can also be raised to give in, give up, be a victim, take whatever is thrown at you because you believe that you have little or no value.  Or anywhere in between.

If something happens to you, that nature takes over. You will maintain your will, or lack of, in your recovery. That recovery may even be from your own childhood. Depending on how long your psyche has been abused, the time it takes to heal is relative. IT IS POSSIBLE! It is always, always possible. It does take time, strength, determination, will, support, and fortitude.

YOU are not broken. You are still here. You are willing, able and determined to make it, however that is. Take the parts, paths and pasts of you that need some love and understanding and do just that. Give yourself that time and determination to do the work. It is worth it.

How you do Anything is how you do Everything

If you look at your life, how you perform your life, how you organize your time, your papers, your relationships, and work, you will see a pattern. If you ever question “why?” you do what you do, just look around.

How you do anything is how you do everything.

Living-Room-Organized-Before-and-After

I can use a personal example for this. My kitchen is clean, not neat. I leave appliances on the counter, often have stacks of paper or piles I need to sort, mail, and my kid’s crayons and school work. My life is similar. It is pretty much in order. There are several things I need to sort through, throw away, put away, decide if it is necessary or if I am holding onto it for no reason.

Most of my house is like this. Which means I am fairly consistent. I try to organize and give everything a home. Though, all those “in process” items are still out. I have a neighbor that keeps an immaculate kitchen and front room. The rest of her house is in shambles with piles and piles or toys, papers, blankets, shoes, clothes, all behind closed doors. What might this say about her?

How is your house? Messy, dirty, clean, shambles, piled, in process, hidden, cluttered…

Can you relate your environment to your life? Does it fit?

Can you see something you can change that might change your life?

You only know what you know

I have several “sayings” that I use often. I will eventually share all of these with you. One of my favorites seems so obvious.

You only know what you know  Big Idea Team

Of course, we can not know things we have not learned yet. New information and different ways of doing things and thinking about things are out there. We just have to find them. We also need to understand that, maybe, our way of doing things is not working for us.

We do what we know; what we have learned growing up, in school, in church, from friends and family. If you are finding that the way you have always done things is not working. What’s next? Is there another way? How do you even figure out how to do that? When you are blue in the face, cried for too long, frustrated with the dead ends. Look for a new way. That might mean asking for help.

It may seem obvious, but until we understand that perhaps we need to learn a new way; the way we have always done things does not work, you can not see it.